


why are you so afraid to be loved (I'm right by your side)

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: GOT7
Genre: Child Yugyeom, Dating, Depression, Loneliness, M/M, Photographer Mark, Post-Divorce, Single Parent Jaebum, implied past mpreg but its not really discussed in detail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:02:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8653585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: Jaebum had really given up on ever finding someone after his divorce.[Discontinued]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:  
> i couldnt find a tag for this so just a warning for all of you who are triggered by this, there is some mentions of past cheating in this chapter and there might be other mentions in later chapters. If their are I'll be sure to mention it in the above note beforehand

“Jinyoung, where the hell are you?” Jaebum asked angrily over the phone, trying to keep his voice down because Yugyeom was playing in the other room. 

 

“I’m just around the corner, Jaebum.” Jinyoung answered calmly.

 

“You’re twenty minutes late!” Jaebum snapped at him. “He’s already asked for you twice.” And with that Jaebum promptly hung up the house phone and slammed it back down on the hook. 

 

Jaebum walked into the living room to see Yugyeom putting his dolls inside the red and green castle of legos he had made for them.

 

“Your dad’s gonna be here any minute.” He told him, keeping his tone light and bright. 

 

Yugyeom squealed in excitement and instantly hopped up, running right past Jaebum to his room to collect his things. 

 

Jaebum trailed after him, watching in silent adornment as his son double checked that his toothbrush was in his backpack and that he had his favorite Pikachu plushie. Yugyeom paused when he noticed he didn't have any clothes packed and looked at Jaebum expectantly.

 

“You have clothes at your dad’s house.” Jaebum reminded him.

 

Yugyeom expectant look did not waver and Jaebum sighed in amusement as he packed up Yugyeom’s favorite pair of pajamas and softest sweater. Once he was satisfied he zipped up his backpack, and just at that moment there was a knock on the door.

 

Yugyeom ran ahead of him, but waited for him to open the front door. Yugyeom was a child that was always happy and who always smiled, but he wasn't much of a talker, even though he had a pretty impressive vocabulary for a kid who was only three. He was always polite and listened to his parents, so he knew not to open the door by himself, even if they both knew it was just Jinyoung. 

 

“Dad!” Yugyeom sang happily when Jaebum opened the door, revealing Jinyoung who was still in his business attire.

 

“Yugyeom-ah,” Jinyoung greeted back, allowing his son to scurry into his arms, picking him up smoothly. “Dad missed you too,” Jinyoung said fondly as Yugyeom kissed his cheek happily. 

 

Jaebum cleared his throat loudly, drawing Jinyoung’s attention back to him. He held out Yugyeom’s backpack and Jinyoung tossed it over his shoulder, not minding the creases that it would leave in his suit. 

 

“Make sure he goes to bed by eight thirty.” Jaebum said. “And give him his medicine in the morning.” 

 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes at him. “I know how to take care of my son.” 

 

“Sure, that's why you were a half an hour late picking him up.” Jaebum literally bit down on his tongue. He didn't want to fight in front of Yugyeom. He already had to deal with his parents being divorced, he didn't need anymore childhood trauma. He and Jinyoung would talk about this later, so instead he turned his attention to his son and leaned forward for a hug.

 

“I’ll see you Monday afternoon, okay? I love you.” Jaebum told him. 

 

“I love you too, mommy.”

 

“Yugyeom-ah, how many times have I told you not to-”

 

“Yes goodbye mommy,” Jinyoung said, closing the door for Jaebum. 

 

Jaebum clicked his tongue in annoyance, he knew Jinyoung was the one who had taught Yugyeom to call him that. Whatever, he would have a talk with Yugyeom when he picked him up from school on Monday. 

 

He put away all of Yugyeom’s toys and had just taken a seat on the couch when his phone started to ring. 

 

“Is Yugyeomie with your cheating bastard of an ex husband yet?”

 

“Hello, Seokjin.” Jaebum said, ignoring the slight sting in his heart at his hyung's words. He knew he meant well, but he really hated to be reminded of the past. “Yes he is.”

 

“Come out with Yoongi and I?” Seokjin offered, sounding much brighter now that Jinyoung was not on topic. They two of them had actually been quite good friends before and during the marriage, but once he had learned that their divorce was due to Jinyoung's cheating, Seokjin had became his number one anti and outright despised him. 

 

“Where are we going?” Jaebum asked. 

 

“Cocktails!” Jin said, and instantly he heard Yoongi complaining on the other end about how he wanted a margarita. 

 

And Jaebum, who hated both said, “I want  some rosé.” 

 

“Fine let's just go to a club then.” Seokjin said. 

 

“Aren't we too old for clubs?” Jaebum asked, wondering how the last episode of one of Yugyeoms shows had ended, they had both fallen asleep the night before before they could see it. 

 

“We’re in our mid twenties, Jaebum-ah! Just because we have kids doesn't mean we’re old.”

 

“ _ Mid twenties? _ Hyung you’re 29.”

 

“Shut up, Yoongi!” 

 

…… 

 

Once he was inside at a table and had a glass of rosé in hand, Jaebum was only mildly regretting his decision to go out. Yoongi was sipping at a bright blue margarita the size of his head and Jin was chattering on about how well Taehyung was doing in his saxophone lessons. 

 

“Wine mom.” Yoongi whispered to him somewhere during the night, leaning on his shoulder and licking the sugar off of the rim of his glass.

 

Jin had disappeared to go call Namjoon and check that the kids were in bed for the night, and the two of them were left alone.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re a wine mom.”

 

“Are you drunk already?” 

 

“Very.” Yoongi sat up straight and looked at him gently. “How’s dating going?” 

 

Jaebum had to appreciate Yoongi waiting for Seokjin to be gone to ask him that. He loved Jin with all of his heart, but Yoongi was more understanding when it came to him getting back out there. He had been dead set on never dating ever again for about a year, but had eventually tentatively stuck his foot back out.

 

“Not a lot of guys what to date someone with a kid.” He admitted. “Especially with one as young as Yugyeom. And he’s so impressionable, I have to be careful about who I introduce him to.”

 

“Have you thought about introducing him to anyone?” 

 

“The fuck? No.” None of the ‘relationships’ he had had so far had gone anywhere besides a few dates, and that was because he knew none of those guys were people that he wanted around his son. He needed someone who was loyal and responsible and had good judgment, and those qualities were so far very hard to find in his ages dating pool. 

 

Jaebum was quiet for a moment, and it was probably because of the wine, but he found himself spilling it out before he really thought if over,

 

“I haven't had sex with anyone since Jinyoung.” 

 

“Ah.”

 

“I haven't kissed anyone either.” 

 

Yoongi was silent for a few moments and then he said, “That's alright, Jaebum. There's not a time limit on these things. You were betrayed, you should take all the time you need until you’re ready.”

 

Jaebum wanted to take Yoongi’s hand, or maybe hug him, but neither of them were really that into initiating skinship, and maybe it wasn't the right time. Yoongi did it for him, pulling him into a light hug.

 

“Someone’s been looking at you since we came in by the way.” Yoongi mentioned once they had pulled away. 

 

Jaebum followed Yoongi’s gaze to a guy at the bar, who was nursing a beer and had a leather jacket slung over his shoulders, the green and blue lights reflecting off of his light brown hair. 

 

He was one of the most handsome guys Jaebum had ever laid eyes and he was looking at Jaebum like he was candy. 

 

And with that Jaebum was slipping out of his chair and making his way across the club, taking a innocent seat next to the guy, who’s eyes had followed his every step. 

 

Just as he was attempting to call the bartender over, a glass of rosé was slipped in front of him. His eyes followed up to the face of the owner of this hand. 

 

“Is this what you were drinking?” He asked, his Korean was good, but laced with a obvious accent. 

 

“Thanks.” Jaebum said, accepting it, and he was surprised by his reaction. Most guys automatically expected something from you when you accepted a drink, usually instantly starting a conversation, or sometimes feeling entitled enough to instantly put a hand on you, which in that cause you punched them in the throat. 

 

But he just went along sipping his beer and looked at him every so often. 

 

“I’m Jaebum.” He said

 

He looked back at Jaebum and gave him a smile as sweet as honey. 

 

“Mark.” 

 

…….

 

An hour later when Mark had him pushed down on his bed and was littering his neck with kisses, a question came to mind.

 

“Where are you from?” Jaebum blurted out. “You have an accent.” 

 

Mark removed his mouth from his skin for a second. “The U.S.” 

 

Jaebum was horny beyond belief and definitely wanted Mark to take both their pants off as soon as possible but, “Where in it?” He asked, ignoring his body apparently out of simple curiosity. 

 

Mark pulled back from his neck and propped himself up with a hand, looking down at Jaebum with a smile.

 

“Los Angeles.” 

 

“How long have you lived here?” 

 

“Seven or so years.” 

  
Mark looked like he was going to ask a question, but before he could Jaebum said “Alright.” and pulled Mark back down at him, moaning in delight when his hands ran under his shirt and up his naked back. 


	2. Chapter 2

Jaebum was having one of those dreams where he knew he was dreaming, he knew, but it was so beautiful and peaceful that he just didn't want to wake up. In this beautiful dream world he and Yugyeom were sitting together in their living room. It was a house, not an apartment like they lived in now, he had never seen it before in real life, but he knew it was theirs. Yugyeom looked older here, four or five maybe, or what he thought his son would look like when he reached that age. They were waiting for someone to come home. He didn't know, but he felt the anticipation shaking in his bones. He had gotten done with his work early, and had picked up Yugyeom, and  _ he _ would be there soon. 

 

For a fearful moment Jaebum was worried he was having one of those dreams again. Dreams about being with Jinyoung again, about them being the happy family they had once been when Yugyeom was just a baby. He didn't want to dream about that, he wanted to move on, and not think about the pain Jinyoung had caused him, just for a moment he wanted to forget that. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to have someone who would be loyal to him, and be kind to his son. 

 

But something told him that Jinyoung was not the person who they were waiting for to come home. His dream mind was full of grace and calm, he felt so secure laying there into the white cushions of the couch, Yugyeom settled in his lap as they watched one of his shows together. 

 

Behind him, not to far away, he felt the wind hit the back of his neck. He felt himself turning, heard Yugyeom saying something happily and scurry off of his lap, starting to run around the couch, Jaebum’s eyes followed him, but before he could see where Yugyeom was running he-

 

…..

 

The shuffling of the sheets was what woke him up. Jaebum had always been a light sleeper, but ever since he had even Yugyeom it was even easier to wake him up. His body was always on high alert, looking out for signs of a playful little three year old getting into trouble. 

 

But he also definitely remembered that Yugyeom was with Jinyoung all weekend, so what on earth could be the cause of this?

 

A man stood just in front of his bed, one with light brown hair and whose back muscles lightly rippled while he pulled his jeans up over his waist and tightened up his belt. His back had peachy pink scratches running along all over it, one’s that he must have left on him, if the ache of his hips and the lack of stressed muscles in his body was anything to go by. 

 

Thankfully, he hadn't had too much too drink last night. He had all of his memories, and he remembered very willingly inviting Mark into his apartment and then into his bed. 

 

He sat up with a soft moan and Mark turned around, just having finished pulling on his shirt. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, giving Jaebum a smile that also made his eyes twinkle. “Did I wake you up?” 

 

“Yeah,” he admitted, seeing no point in being anything but honest. “Not your fault though, I’m just a light sleeper.” 

 

Mark hummed in acknowledgment and had started putting on his socks. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked back at him once he was done, “Are you okay?” he asked. “I didn't hurt you, right?” 

 

Jaebum shook his head. “I’m fine.” He was more than fine. He felt amazing. Just thinking of last night made his toes curl up. It was one of the best experiences he had ever had. 

 

He crawled out of bed, ignoring the gentle ache in the lower half of his body, and managed to grab a shirt that covered him up just enough. 

 

“Let me walk you out.”

 

He bit on his own tongue, was that rude of him to say? Was he supposed to instead invite him to have breakfast with him? Make him a cup of coffee? He didn't have much practice in the art of casual hooking up. 

 

“Sure.” Mark got to his feet and even though he had been the one to offer, it stung a little bit. Even though it was his house, Mark led the way to the front door and he followed after him. 

 

Mark put on his shoes and the leather jacket from the club. He wondered if it was real or not, where he had gotten it, and strangely regretted not asking Mark more questions when he had had the chance the night before. 

 

The door opened and Jaebum stood there, slipping on his gray slippers, expecting to find an empty doorway and an empty hallway when he looked up, but instead Mark was still standing there, hands in his pockets and watching him carefully. 

 

“Can I have your number?” he asked, voice still deep and rough from sleep. “I wanna see you again. If that's okay.” And then gave him a smile that was so bright that it made something in him churn wildly. 

 

“Of course-I mean yeah, sure.” Jaebum said, accepting Mark’s held out phone and putting in his number. 

 

“I’ll call you,” Mark said, slipping his phone into his jacket pocket. 

 

Jaebum really hoped he would. “Okay.”

 

Mark looked at him with gentle eyes. “Can I kiss you goodbye?” he asked. 

 

Jaebum nodded and Mark leaned forward, holding him by the back of his neck and pressing a delicate kiss to his mouth. Mark backed up with a smile and was just about to turn and leave when,

“You don't….have to go.” Jaebum said, unknowingly reaching out for Marks jacket sleeve and holding on to it. “You could stay for coffee or something.” 

 

Mark gave him a beautiful eye smile. “Took you until I was out the door to ask me that?” 

 

“I guess so.”

 

“I love coffee.”

 

“I actually think I’m out of it.” Jaebum said, feeling embarrassed. He remembered writing it down on his list yesterday while he was making dinner. 

 

“I can go get us some,” Mark offered. “Or we can go together.” 

 

“Going together is….fine.” Jaebum decided, backing up so Mark could close the door. “Just let me take a quick shower.”

 

“Take your time.” Mark said, quietly, taking a seat on the couch. “I’m fine waiting.” 

 

Jaebum walked calmly until he was out of Marks sight and then he ran down the hallway, shutting the bathroom door behind him and getting in as quick as possible. Once he was out and finally dressed, he hurried back out into the living room. 

 

Mark was sitting on the couch, just where he had left him, and was playing with one of Yugyeom’s toys. It was one of the many that Jinyoung had given him for Christmas just the month before. 

 

“You have a kid?” Mark asked him, not looking up from the toy.

 

“Yeah.” Jaebum admitted. 

 

“You aren't married are you?” Mark asked, looking up at him, brow forwarded. 

 

“I’m divorced.” Jaebum said. “He’s with his father this weekend.” And that's all he had planned to say about Yugyeom for now. He had only just slept with him, he wasn't going to give him any more details about his son.

 

Mark’s face relaxed at that, and he nodded, putting the toy back under the table where he had found it in the first place. 

 

While they got ready to go, he couldn't help but feel relieved. Most guys ran in the other direction when they found out he had a kid, and if it wasn't that, it was the fact that he was the one who had had Yugyeom or that he had been married before. But Mark didn't seem bothered by any of that. He had so calmly accepted it and moved on.

 

The cafe that was just a few streets over was a calm and warm place. They ordered two Americano’s and sat in a booth in a corner by the window. 

 

Mark was quiet, and he was quiet, but it didn't feel uncomfortable or weird. It was so peaceful just sitting there with him. 

 

“How long have you been divorced?” Mark asked him, suddenly breaking the silence between them. 

 

Jaebum always felt a slight sting when someone brought up anything about Jinyoung or their divorce, he probably always would. But he really didn't mind Mark asking questions.

 

“A year. I’m the one who filed for it.” Jinyoung had wanted to try to work through it, but Jaebum couldn't see how he could ever forgive him for what he had done. He didn't know how he could ever trust him again after that. No amount of concealing or healing steps could ever make things go back to the way they had once been.

 

He expected more questions, most people usually had a hundred and one questions they wanted to ask after he done them he was divorced but Mark just nodded, taking a sip of his coffee.

 

“I’m sorry,” Mark said, setting his cup back down. “That must have been hard for you.” 

 

No one besides Jin and Yoongi had ever told him something like that before. 

 

“I really thought we were always going to be together.” 

 

Jaebum nearly slapped a hand over his own mouth, he kept on saying things that he really didn't want to say out loud. What the hell was happening to him? Mark probably felt uncomfortable hearing something like that. 

 

He felt a warmth covering his hand and looked to see Mark holding his hand over his.

 

“I can't imagine how much pain you felt.” Mark said, sounding truly sad for him. 

 

Jaebum flipped his hand over and held Marks hand for a moment as he collected himself, and then let him go. 

 

“Anyway,” Jaebum said, wanting to try to change the subject before he get any more emotional. “What do you do?”

 

Mark seemed to understand, as he went right along with it. “I’m a photographer. I originally came to Seoul to study, and right after school I started getting a lot of freelance jobs, so I ended up staying. I like it here, and Los Angeles is too ugly and competitive.” 

 

“I never got to do anything with my major,” Jaebum said. “I had Yugyeom right out of college.” Not that he had ever regretted that decision before. He would pick Yugyeom over anything in the world. Anything at all, money, men, even his own safety and health. His son was his number one and always would be. 

 

“Was it hard?” Mark asked.

 

“Having him right out of college?” 

 

Mark nodded.

 

“Of course. We didn't have a lot of money back then, but both of our parents helped us out, and Jinyoung had a decent paying job by the time Yugyeom was born.” 

 

“I didn't mean with money, I meant-” Mark stopped mid sentence, his phone had to decided to begin to ring obnoxiously throughout the quiet cafe. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Mark said to him, before answering. “Jackson, can't this wait until later?” He said as soon as he answered. 

 

His whole face suddenly brightened. “We did? Really? Wait? When? But that's just-okay, okay I’ll be there.” He hanged up without saying goodbye and looked at Jaebum regretfully. 

 

“Jaebum-ah. I’m so, so sorry. But I really have to go. I just booked this huge event and it's literally this afternoon and I have to get ready and-”

 

“It's alright.” Jaebum said. “I understand.” 

 

“Okay, okay-” Mark stood and started walking away, but suddenly stopped and whipped back around, leaning down to kiss Jaebum’s temple.

 

“I’ll definitely call you, alright? I’m sorry.” 

 

Jaebum watched as Mark walked away, and he really thought at that moment that Mark wouldn't actually ever call. 

**Author's Note:**

> pls let me know if you'd like to see more


End file.
